Last weekend was interesting. It was supposed to be a
vacation, to visit family and enjoy Colorado. We ended up spending the
weekend in and out of the hospital with my grandpa, and dealing with adult
issues that I am still just learning to face.
My
sister and I were headed out Friday morning when my dad called and said that my
grandfather had fallen and was in the hospital. He has fallen before, but
they have been happening more frequently, and this situation was probably the
worst. When we arrived, we headed straight to the hospital, to poke our
head in and say hi. While he was groggy and grey looking, he remembered
us, and was able to carry on a conversation (he suffers from early onset
dementia so this was a fun little victory!).
The
remainder of the night was spent at the hospital, and to give my grandma and
aunt a break, I stayed with Grandpa Friday night. I tried to keep
everyone positive, to have them look at the bright side. Even the fact
that we were there was a blessing. We didn’t need a crazy fun trip.
We were lucky to be there to help our family in a time of need and provide
support. I didn’t sleep badly, but I didn’t sleep good. Getting up
every time a nurse walks in can be pretty draining. Saturday was another
day filled with hospital visits, but we also made sure to spend time with my
two little cousins, taking them to climb on rocks and enjoy the beautiful
Colorado scenery. But I spent my day in a fog. A tired, lack of sleep,
sick to my stomach over my grandpa, hazy fog. As much as I didn’t want to
leave the hospital, I needed to go home. I needed a nap. I also
must have needed a shower because that was the first thing I did. And it
felt amazing! And so did a 3 hour nap.
We
woke up to my grandma being gone. She had headed back to the hospital to
keep grandpa company. We decided to have a pizza party with my aunt and
our cousins and I stayed home for the evening.
The
reality started sinking in though. This fall was pretty drastic, and
there is a good chance he won’t be coming home. He will need to make a
new home, which will probably consist of a nursing home facility. Now
there is a plus side to this. This means that my grandma will not be on
call 24 hours a day. She will not need to maneuver a man around the house
who is larger than her and who is stiff all over. She will not need to be
a caregiver, nurse, friend, wife, and companion all at once. She can
focus on being his support, his friend, his companion. And she can have
some time to take care of herself, because that has dropped among the list of
priorities. The responsibilities she has taken on our out of this
world. She does it all, times 2. And I know she wishes she could
continue to do that, but I hope she finds the peace to understand that given
the circumstances, she can’t expect herself to do it all. It is
physically not possible.
Sunday
morning, I think everyone need a break. We decided to try and enjoy the
day and do some non-hospital activities. We did some shopping and picked
up Christmas decorations. We found a cute little tree to bring to the
hospital, and a bag of festive candy. We also decided to make a big meal
for supper and enjoy over at Grandma’s. We had stopped into see Grandpa
and headed back home for dinner, knowing we would be back after. We
finished eating and headed back to the hospital. It was our last night in
Colorado. We laughed and joked around. We talked to Grandpa as much
as we could, and tried to perk him up. Then it was time to leave.
And I could no longer play the role of the positive one. The tears just welled
up. It sucks to see someone in pain. To see them unhappy and lost.
But once I got home and regrouped, I reaffirmed in my mind that this is
for the best. It is the next step, and it will be the healthiest for
everyone involved. It just isn't very fun to deal with.